ahe, gulat ca noh.. wa na, ahe ica pin.. uhm wala lng, maybe maraming mgrereact sa article ito na ginawa q.. well, care q?? ahe, joke.. peace.. though sabi nila, “jokes are half-meant.” ooh, deep ba?? ahe.. seriously speaking, i’ve thought of writing this article not because wala aqng magawa.. of course not.. i just wanna share this to you, which was shared to me by kuya archie (naks naman, special mention!! ahe).. parang reaction paper ganun.. eto nah, haba ng intro noh? oh yah, sinadya ko talagang walang title ito, wala lang.. babasahin nyo rin naman eh..

people kept on asking me why i’m still single (uhm if in a relationship napo sana ako, wala na sana ako sa youth ministry ahe).. and with my age, i should already be in a relationship daw.. although sometimes when i see couples passing by, i wonder why nga.. is it because i belittle myself physically too much?  i’ve been too preoccupied with my studies? church activities? i have high standards daw? i’m still affected with my childhood memories? i’m intimidating daw? (intimidating, oh c’mon ahe..)

thinking deeper, kahit pa’no may mga gusto namang manligaw pero marerealize ko na ayoko pa.. ayoko pa in the sense, i still have my other priorities in life, i feel i’m not yet matured enough to be in a relationship, and most of all, i’m afraid of getting hurt again (oita, magfocus la ngan kanyan ketang word na again eh).. yup yup, you heard me right, again.. yah people will say: “ano ka ba, past is past. you should move on na.” and based on what i have learned in psychiatric nursing (yeah boi, speaking as a registered nurse) with the 5 stages of depression by kubler-ross, dapat 6 months lang daw ang depression.. anything greater than 6 months, well iba na yan.. sa NCMH na ang tuloy mo ahe.. starting with denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.. yun ang end na..

but coming across with the book “How to Find Your One True Love” by Bo Sanchez, thoughts suddenly kept pouring on my mind.. he was right in saying that lots of myths were passed on to us by our ancestors like “God will send the guy for you because He wants you to change him”, “Ask for signs”, “The first time you meet your one true love, you know he’s the one”, “Marriage will make me happy”, “Love conquers all”, and other stuff.. bo was right in saying that this book will really shock your brains out.. why?.. well, allow me to pick up some points from the book so that your brains will shock out too ahe..

1. Take responsibility of finding your one true love.

- when i saw these words, i asked myself why.. kasi i usually tell others na darating yung person for me.. but after reading this chapter, i realized it’s true.. God gave us the free will to choose which is right or wrong, we were given the power to decide on our own.. but of course, these decisions are based on our values.. in the course of love, we were all entitled to find the person meant for us, not God finding someone for us.. ano, ginawa daw ba nating matchmaker si God, na-demote ata siya sa position Niya.. and don’t even ask Him daw for signs, because He is not a magician.. what we could ask for Him is to guide us because we were all given the wisdom for discernment, kaya nga daw man is the highest form of all creatures.. and once we meet this person, never daw ninyong paglalaruan ang feelings (uhm guys, listen to this).. be honest, say what you mean and mean what you say.. para walang nasasaktan, walang umiiyak, walang napag-iiwanan.. that’s it..

2. Let Go.

- ouch, ahe sapul tol.. uhm let go of what, of the past?.. “the past” means either the trauma from the last or past relationship/s or something from your childhood.. eh tapos you’re gonna ask why you’re still single?.. uhm, have you asked yourself what scares you, what are your inhibitions why you still don’t wanna be involved in a relationship?.. guys, as we grow older, we all experience difficulties in life to learn, to experience how it is to be hurt so as not to hurt other people, to be stronger.. yah, i have to admit my childhood is not that perfect as compared to other kids who grew up seeing their parents together.. i was traumatized actually because of that.. added to that, when i got hurt from 2nd year to 3rd year college (gosh, 2 years ago??? hmm, greater than 6 months???).. ahe, ganyan talaga eh, pag nasaktan talaga mahirap mag-move on.. kaya nga dysthymic nako ahe.. well, at least di ba, i’ve changed.. i have moved on, end of story.. according to Bo Sanchez (naks, ahe feeling close haha!), in order to love other people, you must learn to love yourself and be free from all the hurts.. and once you got hurt in a relationship, don’t use other people in order for you to move on.. others daw kasi agad may boyfriend or girlfriend na.. masakit maging panakip butas guys, i’ve experienced it na eh.. others will say na mahirap if you’re not gonna use other people in order to move on that’s why they keep on doing it.. while reading this chapter in the book, yah i told myself na it’s not easy to let go.. proven ko na eh.. pero it all depends on the person how he/she will do it.. remember, if you will be in the place of that person na ginagamit mo, masasaktan ka rin..

3. The Dating Part.

- in our culture, once a man asks a woman for a date, everybody thinks “Oh, he’s asking for a date, he must like me.” when in fact, what he means is a friendly date, right?.. and at that moment, the girl will turn him down because of this mentality.. sabi sa book, don’t easily jump into conclusions, most of all, once he asks you for a date it doesn’t mean that you’re gonna marry the guy.. yup, i laughed when i came across this part in the book kasi guilty din ako dito.. not because ganun din ang mentality ko, but the reason why i’m saying no to them is ayaw nila nang may iba pang kasama ahe.. anyway, to go out on a date means you’re gonna broaden your horizon, of mingling with people.. the reason?.. to have lots of friends, male friends.. it doesn’t mean you’re gonna flirt with them (ibang usapan na yun ata) but just to hang out with them.. and who knows, once you spent time with them, you can discern very well who do you think is the right guy for you.. malay mo, yung taong yun pala yung araw-araw mong kasama di ba?.. and once he asks you out again for a date, na sa tingin mo what he wants is something beyond friendship at ayaw mo na after nung 1st date nyo, decline.. there’s no harm in saying no.. oh, and one more thing: dress modestly.. hindi yung ma-attempt yung guy pag nakita daw niya yung girl.. you know what I mean ahe..

4. Be matured enough to know what you want.

- make a checklist.. a checklist which doesn’t mean you’re becoming so choosy or you’re looking for Mr. Perfect.. this will only help you determine your future family life, yun bang hindi bara-bara ang decision making kung sino mapapangasawa mo.. oo nga naman ahe.. eto mga points:

• he must take responsibility for his life..
• he must be free from serious addictions.. (uhm alam nyo na yun, no need to elaborate, ok?)
• he must be emotionally healthy.. (kung ayaw mong maging battered wife ka at maging baby-sitter habang buhay.. i’ve read also you should know how he/she works under pressure.. like you should have seen him/her react pag natataranta na.. suggestion pa nga eh dapat daw kasama mo siya sa work or organizations.. hep, hep i’m not promoting intimate relationships sa youth ministry ah, bawal daw yun ahe.. not necessarily bawal, pero come to think of it di ba, pag nagbreak na may ilangan factor nang kasama yun ahe.. and he/she should know how to accept his faults.. kung hindi, sooner or later pag mag-on na kayo or mag-asawa na kayo, araw-gabi wala ka na lang ginawa kundi umiyak nang umiyak nang umiyak.)
• he must earn enough to start a family.. (wahaha, dapat at least a year daw he’s working na.. ah you will say, “We love each other eh, kakayanin namin ito.” uhm guys, what if you were suddenly tempted to do that thing, and all of a sudden di ba what if may baby na kayo tapos at 2 am your baby’s crying masasabi mo ba yun sa baby mo?.. also, nakakahiya nga naman if yung pinang-didate nyo eh kinukuha pa nya sa parents niya noh..)
• he must be morally upright.. (as much as possible daw, hindi yung mga marunong magsinungaling.. uhm may ganun pa ba nowadays?.. hmm, as much as possible nga eh.. try to figure the person out first di ba?.. pano?.. well, ayun nga di ba wag bara-bara sa decision making..)
• he must be spiritually committed.. (dapat daw strong ang relationship with God. not necessarily daw na dapat leader ng prayer meeting or nagreraise ng hand and sumisigaw ng “Praise the Lord.” but yung alam mo na his faith affects his entire life, yun daw bang factor na may takot siya sa Diyos para di sya matempt gumawa ng mali.. another thing, the book suggests that both should be of the same religion.. or else both will have a hard time in deciding where to go to church every Sunday, and once you’ll start a family, where will the kids be baptized?.. stuffs like those..)
• he must love his own family.. (dapat daw yung pinapakita niyang ugali sayo parehas ng kung ano yung pinapakita niya sa family nya.. yung hindi kaplastikan.. but not to the point of being a mama’s boy or daddy’s girl.. gets?..)

5. Slow Down.

- nowadays, once mag-on na sila or others nga kahit di pa mag-on may touchy touchy na eh.. o ano?.. ei guys, try to live in purity daw, being the overall direction of your life, both single life and married life.. sabi nga nun sa CAT namin, “The power of the mind over the body”. you should have the power to decide not to start anything tempting at all.. got me?.. oh and one more thing, pag sinabing slow down, slow down.. guys, pag nanliligaw wag naman yung nagmamadali kayo.. na thank you naman po nanliligaw ka pa lang gusto mo na yung girl magsabi ng “I love you” just to know if may chance ka.. hmm.. again, slow down ahehe..

6. Trust God.

- once you’ve entered into a relationship and you feel that he/she is the one, don’t be hesitant to put God in the center of your relationship.. Bo Sanchez even suggested that both of you should read spiritual books together.. if you could spend time together watching movies, strolling or doing nature-tripping, why not sitting on a couch and read spiritual books so that both of you could grow together spiritually and emotionally..

uhm, additional po ahe.. for teens naman, baka sabihin ninyo kinalimutan ko kayo ahe.. talagang kinopya ko na ung part na ito sa book mismo, kasi well explained naman eh.. you’re gonna find this sa appendix B ahehe..

FOR YOUNGER SINGLES READING THIS BOOK:

Teens, don’t have exclusive relationships until you’re ready for marriage. I know. This is difficult. So I’m not laying it down as doctrine – but as a wonderful suggestion to those who want to escape all the complexities of having a long steady exclusive relationship.

Let me tell you my story.

When I reached my 17th birthday, I had my first girlfriend. I was happy and so was she. The following week, we weren’t happy anymore. Because I got a phone call from her and she was angry. When I asked her why, she said, “Because you didn’t call me yesterday.”

“Yesterday? What happened yesterday?”

She remained silent.

And then it hit me. I asked, “Do you mean I should call you everyday?”

“Of course!” (Like hellooooo, is the earth round? Is the sun hot?)

Wow, I didn’t know boyfriends were supposed to call everyday.

My relationship went on for four long years.

We broke up when I was 21, and it hurt – but it was also a day of liberation for me and for her. And I didn’t have a girlfriend for the next 10 glorious years – and I never felt so free in my entire life. Those 10 years were fantastic years of personal growth, expanding my horizons, and serving God in radical ways. I traveled around the world, I learned new skills, I pioneered new organizations, I started new ministries…

It was awesome. Honestly, I couldn’t have done all those things if I had a girlfriend.

If you have a boyfriend (or girlfriend) in your teens, you’ll be saddled with the following problems…

1. Your world becomes very small.

- Your time is taken up by one person. Instead of meeting new people, instead of learning new skills, instead of expanding your territories, instead of putting up businesses, instead of serving God… your attention will be on maintaining this one relationship – with the petty fights, the little arguments, the silly jealousies and the two-hour phone conversations everyday.

2. You miss out on great experiences to mature as a person.

- I grew a lot when I took on responsibilities, led organizations, traveled to various places and talked to lots of people. If you’re single, I strongly suggest that you take every growth opportunity you can. Take up pottery lessons, volunteer to be a missionary in Africa, learn how to bake, take a course on speed-reading… Grow more as a person so that you can give more to your future spouse and future children.

3. You open yourself to a lot of sexual temptations.

- Obviously, the longer the boy-girl relationship, the more sexual pressure builds up internally to “go all the way.” This need to express love physically is a natural progression of the long relationship. It’s wiser to delay the intimate relationship so that handling the sexual pressure will be much easier.

There, I’ve said it, teens.

There’s a lot of time to start dating and courting when you’re in your twenties. But right now, stop babysitting this one person. If you’re not going to date and have a boyfriend (or girlfriend), what should you do?

What else: Enjoy the single life!

Climb mountains, write a novel, water-ski and skydive, compose songs, travel to China, organize a fundraiser, lead a prayer meeting, minister to an orphanage. For crying out loud, have fun, grow up and expand your world.

Get to know lots and lots and lots people.

That’s better than getting bogged down to one particular guy or gal.

And in these natural situations (in sports or projects), you actually get to know the “real” person more than in a romantic date.

And perhaps, you’ll meet your One True Love among your many friends.

~oOo~

wahaha, i’m done.. sorry if it took me this long before i ended this page.. i also had some realizations, promise.. before writing this article, i’m really in a dilemma.. but now i’ve realized i shouldn’t be in a hurry.. there is so much i have yet to see, learn, and even experience while i’m still single and i can be happy about it.. i still have to be emotionally matured.. i can do whatever i want to do and go to different places without being controlled, my circle of friends will grow, and most of all, i’ll have more time for Him my family..

i hope what i wrote on this page helps you, i also advice you to get a copy of the book i mentioned above.. or borrow na lang kayo kay kuya archie ahe.. God bless.. J

signed,

-te ann..